Haikus!

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Username: arivess
Class: Thief
Summary: Um. A haiku for each game. Bored Ari was bored?
Games: ALL OF THEM. *SOBS* HAVE FUN TAGGING. ;_; FF1-14, After Years, Advent Children, Before Crisis, Crisis Core, Dirge of Cerberus, X-2, a whole bunch for 11's whole bunch of expansions but I think they can all go under 11, Revenant Wings, XIII-2, Type 0, Tactics, TA, TA2, Vagrant Story, Crystal Chronicles, CC: Ring of Fates, CC: Echoes of Time, CC: Crystal Bearers, CC: My Life as a King, CC: My Life as a Darklord, Dissidia, 012, 4 Heroes of Light. *takes a breath*
Word count: 510 in 41 haikus (does not include titles)
Rating/warnings: Fairly minor spoilers for IV, X, XI, Crystal Bearers, and Dissidia 012. And, uh. They're not very serious or very good. I apologize if I insult anyone. XD;

FFI.
“I will knock you down”
He said as he met his doom
By pointy helmet

FFII.
Follow the wild rose!
Except no one knows what kind
Of flower it is

FFIII.
My arch-nemesis
Is a naked woman with…
WHAT? …I hate my life

FFIV.
Little girl is boom!
Dark knight defeats helmet hair!
Yes, the moon, really

FFIV: TAY.
All of our masked guys
Felt jealous of Cecil’s hair
Now they’re shiny too

FFV.
Look, a giant tree
Beaten by old dude and kids
Almost ate the world

FFVI.
Magic girl fights clown
General sings opera
The whole world goes boom

FFVII.
The world is at risk
From a guy who wants mommy
Who thought this deal up?

FFVII: AC.
Look a costume change!
Got distracted by pretty.
What was it about?

FFVII: BC.
Only in Japan
Why won’t they bring it over?
‘Cause our cellphones suck

FFVII: CC.
Hefting giant swords
Flapping around on one wing
They go in circles

FFVII: DoC.
Pew pew pew so weak
Why do I need a strength stat
For shooting handguns?

FFVIII.
Who has time for this
Saving the world business when
We’re busy playing cards?

FFIX.
Thief protagonist
Acquires oodles of loot
Wait, is that a thong?

FFX.
Young, friendly sports ace
Isn’t he such a nice dream?
No, literally!

FFX-2.
Cutting weird-shaped holes
In random spots on people
Is how we design

FFXI.
Too many stories
How to summarize them all?
Odin owns the world

FFXI: Nations.
Shadow Lord rises
Though not so scary as a
Naked galka

FFXI: RotZ.
Why are you surprised?
Of course our duke’s an alien
What can go wrong now?

FFXI: CoP.
FF Tradition:
Taking down a god or two
With little girls’ help

FFXI: ToAU.
Pirate ship! Treasure!
Ancient civilization!
Fun! Excitement! Death!

FFXI: WotG.
Travel back through time
War is not a good time for
Dancing, or is it?

FFXII.
Balthier is pretty!
I don’t know anything else
About this game, so…

FFXII: RW.
Traveling ‘cross the sky
Winged people, gods, etc
And their emotions

FFXIII.
Pastries, vanilla,
Snowcones, roasted birds – that’s what
This game makes me think

FFXIII-2.
Retarded moogles!
New characters and frail damsels!
Just give us Lightning

Type 0.
More excited now
Is that a tonberry in
A school uniform?

FFXIV.
Being a hero
Is easy – just throw stones while
Hoisting fishing rods

FFT.
Knights and princesses
In political intrigue
Depressing story

FFTA.
Travel through a book
Into a video game realm
Saved by a moogle

FFTA2.
Stuck in fantasy
Silly kid wants to go home
To meet a curfew

VS.
Mansions and dragons
No one told me there would be
So many zombies

FFCC.
Multiplayer games
Try to make you get more friends
…I like my moogles

FFCC: RoF.
I get four people!
To my NPC buddies:
Stop jumping in traps

FFCC: EoT.
I can play online!
Trying to platform with lag
I keep falling off

FFCC: CB.
Magical powers
Are everywhere you look
I thought they were rare?

FFCC: MLaaK.
Go forth my people!
Go adventure without me!
Just bring back treasure

FFCC: MLaaD.
Tonberry minions!
Beating up adventurers!
What can be better?

Dissidia.
Fighting games are in
Final Fantasy Smash Bros.
What is this (non)-plot?

Dissidia 012.
Look, more girls this time!
Why is Lightning so special?
Oh Kain, what the fuck?

4HL.
Gotta save the world
There’s always a catch when you
Rescue a princess

Comments

[mako-lies.livejournal.com]

Ahaha. These were so entertaining! ♥

Loved the Tactics, XII, XIII-2, and IX ones, especially. ♥

[arivess.livejournal.com]

I'm glad! (OH MY GOSH YOUR ICON XDD)

[mako-lies.livejournal.com]

(Ahaha, thanks! ♥)

[the-404-error.livejournal.com]

Rofl, I chuckled at so many of these. XD I love the VII, IX, X, XII, and Tactics ones in particular though.

[arivess.livejournal.com]

XD I'm glad you enjoyed.

[thedrowned.livejournal.com]

FFVII: DoC.
Pew pew pew so weak
Why do I need a strength stat
For shooting handguns?

Bullet calibre!


Also, you didn't do Chocobo games?

[arivess.livejournal.com]

But! But! Wouldn't that affect accuracy, more than damage?

...;_; I forgot to. *ashamed forever* Plus I only knew what one of them is like.

[thedrowned.livejournal.com]

Comes with the package, I think. More boom, more recoil. So that's why there's two stats and they totally cooperate with each other. /actually has forgotten all of DoC

You could have at least done that one! Ari, wiki brain, you shame me.

ETA: Enter button early. But these are really nice. Don't listen to me be annoying. ;D

[arivess.livejournal.com]

*hasn't actually played DoC and just read the LP* But! Boom is good! ;_; Or something. I guess the recoil might matter... But still! Wouldn't the damage be the same? Recoil would affect accuracy and... uh... shooting/loading speed? Or something. (Well, okay, I guess overall damage...)

It's okay, I shame me too! I won't forget next time!

Here--

Chocoredrella,
Cactare and Leviawolf,
Make stories more fun

Satisfactory? XD

[thedrowned.livejournal.com]

Most guns when you shoot hard it pushes back hard so that means it's more likely you would miss because your hand and the rest of your tiny body would move. I doubt this is how the mechanics in DoC work, though... >> /shuts up

Hooray, chocobo haiku! You win ten internets.

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Probably not, but. XD I guess that's why they need a strength stat. That, and they were probably too lazy to change it from archery.

*bows* So if I have ten of them, I can eat one, right? *_*

[shorlixa.livejournal.com]

They're certainly not serious. But they're very funny. Just the thing to start off a day.

[arivess.livejournal.com]

I'm glad! <3

[deadcellredux.livejournal.com]

Lol! These are amazing! I especially loved the FFVI one. So perfect.

AND-- your references to Cecil's hair in other haikus-- love it.

As for "Balthier is pretty"... well. I'm a Basch girl myself, but this was still hilarious.

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I think Cecil's hair's become the comm meme now... XD

If I ever do it again, I'll give a special mention to Basch. XD

POINTS

[breyzyyin.livejournal.com]

116 Points to Team Thief!

~Oh wow, these are absolutely incredible. :) I loved how you did ALL of the FF games, and how you described the stories for all of them in Haiku form was very apt and fitting (and quite entertaining on many fronts!). Amazing and awesome job, Ari! ♥ That was just...brilliant. :D

Re: POINTS

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <333

[lightofeilia.livejournal.com]

LOL THESE ARE ALL HILARIOUS ;D

[arivess.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU :DD

[xinnk.livejournal.com]

Hehe these are all so brilliant, Ari! ♥

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3

[breyzyyin.livejournal.com]

These are EPIC. Great job, Ari! XD

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Thank you! XD

[yunie-sigh.livejournal.com]

LOL THIS SO MUCH AHAHAHAHAH OH GOOD LORD XD THIS EVEN MADE MY MOOD GO UP

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and I'm glad it did! XD

[glacialphoenix]

Your tag list is long;
It almost broke Mysti's net.
Pity poor Mysti.

She likes your haiku
So she didn't mind too much.
They made her laugh lots.

And yes, she's writing
This review in haiku form
Just because it's fun.

(Sorry, I'm awful
At writing a good haiku.
Do please forgive me?)

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Baw baw poor Mysti
But at least you enjoyed them
That's what counts most, right?

[chacusha]

I finally read these and WOW. Oh my goodness, forget Final Fantasy in 15 Minutes, this is like Final Fantasies in 5 Seconds. FF6 made me lol hard. XD

[arivess.livejournal.com]

XD Thankus! Maybe we should have Final Fantasy in 5 Seconds. *shot*